Junkmaille

written awhile ago. but I forgot about it. it still is the same story.

she wakes up in a bed covered in clothes and crumbs

she sleeps on top of a blanket so she doesn’t have to make her bed

there are stains on the pillows that won’t ever seem to be washed out

it’s a small twin bed, in a smelly room, filled with useless knick knacks and memories.

in between the bags of trash lining her walls are the things she buys to fix herself

whether it be new decor, new makeup, new clothes

none of it ever works and the pile just grows bigger

you look at her tumbling about and see her chest falling out of a bra too small and a shirt too cropped for her size

her acne isn’t quite acne anymore, as it is red and picked over

trying to heal before her wondering fingertips come back in a moment of shame

and the cycle is brought back to the start

her words come out too loud and too fast with a bite of anger in every sentence

but she swears she means well, and she is just so happy to see you

in between her quips and complaints you see her teeth covered in yellow 

yet she smiles bigger than anyone you know, as if she doesn’t notice

looking into her wide blue eyes, you see remnants of the things she uses to feel pretty

falling to her cheeks are specks of black from the mess of insecurity and haste

sparkles go out to her unplucked eyebrows and her eyeliner is stuck to the crease of her eyelid

she just wants to be the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen

but she isn’t

while she might not be “ugly”, no one ever falls in love with the girls like her

for all her work never makes her desirable

she just becomes even more of a dirty mess

no one ever wants to sleep with her in the way she wants

without wandering touches and alcohol making everyone spin

but she just isn’t pretty enough to you

so she’ll put a dirty t-shirt on over her round, stretched body

and sit in her small bathroom covered in dirt and ash.

while her unbrushed hair is sitting in a slightly painful bun

she smokes a joint alone just to think about the day she will be loved like she loves